why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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