I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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