update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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