She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Randomize
