I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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