Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
