it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
