At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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