you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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