What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
