Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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