I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
