the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
