The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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