I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
