You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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