I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
