Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i jhust puked up my retainher.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
