we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
