I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
