i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
