so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
