Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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