i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
