Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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