I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
