My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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