Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
