My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
