Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
