And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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