I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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