That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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