you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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