I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
