Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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