I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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