Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
