new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
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