If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
