a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
