The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
