Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
