Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My feet surprised me
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
