the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Why can't burritos get me drunk
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
