I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
