Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
