I must be too annoying 4 u.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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