Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
