apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
