Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
