someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
